Joe could hear the sound of heavy breathing in the dark. He opened his hand and felt grass beneath him like a thick carpet. For a second he felt disorientated and confused. Where was he? Because he certainly wasn’t lying in his bed, all warm and snuggly.
He heard a soft snort.
‘Lola,’ he called, slowly opening his eyes. He took a sharp intake of breath as he caught sight of the biggest dog he had ever seen. It had three heads and one of its noses was now sniffing at his crotch.
A short cry escaped from Joe’s lips.
Everything came flooding back to him; the new job, Death, Charon and…
Cerberus, the Guardian of the Underworld.
‘Nice doggy,’ said Joe, ‘there’s a good boy.’ He carefully lifted himself up on his elbows. The dog continued to sniff his groin.
How had he ended up here, lying on the floor?
Shit. No. No, he hadn’t…had he?
Yep. He’d only gone and fainted!
Red hot shame swept over his face. If his shitdad had been here, he’d have never lived it down.
He hadn’t wet himself, had he? His crotch felt warm and wet and…
Joe looked down. Thank God for that, he hadn’t wet himself but…eugh…a great big glob of dog drool landed on his trousers.
He fell back onto the grass.
Today was not a good day.
He was going to be eaten by a three-headed dog. No one would know he’d died, here, alone.
He really was feeling sorry for himself. He suddenly had a craving for pizza. A huge pepperoni pizza with tons of barbeque sauce. And a large bottle of sprite. That would probably be his last meal if he ever got put on Death Row.
He looked at Cerberus. What did he mean, if; he was already on Death Row wasn’t he? And no one knew.
Not that his mother or shitdad would care.
Joe lay rigid as Cerberus began to walk forward so that Joe’s whole body was covered by dog.
Please don’t sit down! Please don’t sit down.
Cerberus lifted its three heads and opened his middle mouth wide. Its teeth were huge, almost the size of a man’s hand. It’s breath smelled like putrid meat and ammonia. Another big glob of dog drool landed on Joe’s face.
He retched as it splatted on to the side of his face. Pepperoni pizza no longer appealed to him.
The dog’s heads swooped down.
Please don’t eat me! Please don’t eat me!
Cerberus’ tongue flopped out and he gave Joe a big fat lick on his face.
Eugh. Where had his tongue been? It felt rough on his skin, like sandpaper and it was sanding the skin off his face.